BAR TALK: Of beaten up socialites and fake miracles

bots2Bra Gee
Who am I? You may not know me because I am not really worth knowing unless you find value in wannabes who hang around those who appear to have made it. And of course if you are one of the thousands who have dipped into my cookie jar.

Yes, like those of most of my friends that vessel of mine is always open. It is not for nothing that my name was somewhere at the top on the list of women of Harare who just cannot say no when a guy moves his hand towards his zip.

As a single mother of course you have to understand that most of my dalliances are simply business decisions although I do have a day job running my two clothing outlets in the city. But things are tough and a girl always needs extra cash to maintain her top socialite brand.

So you can imagine why I am highly put out at the caveman antics of one of my current squeezes. Not only did the bastard beat me up in public, he totally marked my face which means I am out of business for a number of days.

Bits and pieces

Miracle tip

Next time you want to pretend that you are an agent of God who can make those with disabilities overcome them through televised miracle crusades in foreign lands it would be wise to avoid all your “handicapped” acolytes brandishing brand new shiny crutches. And may we also suggest that your “holy spirit” be not disturbed mid-prayer as you direct cameras to capture a “testimony”. Speaking of which, how come all camera people seem immune to possession by these “holy spirits” no matter which prophet is giving what powerful prayer?

Hot ball

We feel sorry for one loud-mouthed one who has since taken his war to that august house. We are sure that his nickname came from his tendency towards pugilistic verbosity. Now in the musical chairs he has found himself holding a hot potato.

What to do about the pesky over aged horse in the city residence and bunch of crazy sack retailers who refuse to crawl back into the holes they occupied until they emerged a few months ago? And meanwhile that young upstart seems determined to keep on fanning the embers of past dwellings into raging fires.

Basket case

We hope the foolhardy gentleman did not have all his eggs in the court basket. If he had sought our opinion we would have told him to forget it.

We would have been cheaper, speedier and more useful than his lawyers. All we would have asked for is a couple of rounds of our favourite drinks at the usual place. As has been said by better brains than us, once you leave there is no going back home comrades, especially not by some back door manoeuvres. Maybe if you just tried getting your knees and elbows dusty you might make better headway.

Last Call: Forget the lodges

We have always said that it is better to drink ourselves stupid than spend time doing it. What with all the diseases and maintenance issues that come from that activities, we had valid reasons. But now our position has been reinforced by people with strings of letters after their names, we hope you will believe us:

No, having more sex will NOT make you happier

In the first study of its kind, a team of scientists at Carnegie Mellon University have upended the common notion that having more sex will make you happier.

In fact, more sex might even generate unhappiness, George Leowenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon, and his colleagues report in their recent paper.

Several studies over the last decade have found evidence to suggest that sex is directly linked with happiness, so that more sex means greater happiness.

One study even found that changing the amount of sex you had from once a month to once a week would give you the same amount of happiness as receiving an extra $50 000.

However, what these studies missed and what’s causing some misconceptions about sexual frequency and joy, Leowenstein recently told the New York Times, was to determine which element — sex or happiness — was the cause and which was the effect. Not only that, other factors besides sex, such as income, location, or age, could be better gauges of what makes us happy.

“Although it seems plausible that sex could have beneficial effects on happiness, it is equally plausible that happiness affects sex,” the team wrote in their paper. “ . . . or that some third variable, such as health, affects both.”

To help settle this riddle, the team carefully designed an experiment that would clearly determine, once and for all, if more sex causes greater happiness.

A straightforward experiment to solve a confusing riddle

The experiment was straightforward: Measure how happy couples were with their current sex schedules. Then, split them into two groups and ask one group to have more sex (twice as much, to be exact) and ask the other group to change nothing about their sex live. Finally, compare how happy they were afterward. (As part of the experiment, for example, couples having sex three times a week had sex six times a week; those having sex once a month had it twice a month).

A total of 64 adult couples volunteered. Each pair was legally married and heterosexual, and all volunteers were between the ages of 35 and 65.

The team asked half of the couples to double the amount of sex they were having while the other half of couples kept their normal sex schedule.

Throughout the duration of the experiment, which lasted 90 days, both sets of couples completed the same online questionnaire at the end of each day.

This questionnaire helped the researchers measure each couple’s mood as well as how satisfied they were with each sexual episode — the quality of the sex.

What they found surprised them:

“Contrary to what one would expect if the causal story running from sexual frequency to happiness were true,” the team wrote in their paper, “we observed a weak negative impact of inducing people to have more sex on mood.”

In general, the researchers found that the couples who doubled the amount of sex didn’t enjoy the sex as much and were less happy overall. Although the team can only speculate as to why this was, they did answer their question: More sex does not make us happier.

Moreover, the researchers stipulate that by being forced to have more sex, the selected couples actually developed, over time, less motivation to have sex. That, in turn, is what might have led to an overall downturn in the quality of their sex as well as their overall mood.

What you want to take away from this, Leowenstein told the Times, is that when it comes to sex, concentrate on quality and not quantity if you want to be happy. — Business insider

Till next week, bottoms up!

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