I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND IN BED WITH MY BEST FRIEND

I am heartbroken. I just don’t know what to do. I dated my boyfriend for more than six years and all seemed ok. Just after the formal introductions from both our families, I discovered that he was cheating on me with my best friend.

The first time I smelt a rat was when I found my friend’s scarf in his car and he denied it, saying it was his sister’s. I almost asked his sister about this, but I thought it would be wrong.
 
Kana iri yake, ndinoita munhu wemanga manga. To cut a long story short, just a fortnight ago, I passed through his apartment in town unannounced and I got the shock of my life. I knocked and tried the door. To my surprise, it was not locked.
I then went straight to the bedroom.
 
I just stood by the bedside and called his name. They were in bed with my best friend. He cried – misodzi chaiyo. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t let go of my hand. He pleaded with me, but I was upset.
 
All I managed to say was, “We are done.” My friend managed to sneak out, but I never said a word. My boyfriend has engaged elders from his family to persuade me; navatete vangu. Ini zvangu I think handichada.
 
We were going to get married traditionally just before Christmas this year. I loved this guy. He was my everything. Why did he pick my friend?
 
Vanga vatanga rinhi? He says it was the first time and it was a mistake.
My friend sent her apology via email, but we have never spoken. I will have nothing to do with her. Mai Chisamba, please help me: What do I do? I am confused. I am 26 and he is 28 years old.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
Thank you for your letter. I am glad this column is helping you. Dating and loving someone for more than six years is no joke. Long courtship is very rare these days. I am sorry two people you loved and respected let you down.
This is betrayal at its worst.
 
He says it was a mistake; what kind of a mistake? I think he is misusing the word.
According to your letter, everything regarding your relationship was set, the dates etc. Your friend is a backstabber, but it takes two to tango. Your boyfriend is a cheat, too, and a very stupid one.
 
I feel sorry about the whole circus, but want to commend you for acting maturely. Vakawanda vanorwisana, but you controlled yourself. That’s how it should be. Love is about trust. But if he cannot be trusted with friends and family, then it becomes a problem.
I feel your anger; your confusion is justified. Zvakaoma. I picked a few positives from your letter. You describe him as previously your everything. This type of love does not disappear overnight. Secondly, the fact that you have written to ask for help shows that you are not decided yet.
 
Nyaya yenyu can go either way. Let me help clear your confusion. My personal opinion is do not rush it. Give this relationship another six months or so to see if you still care for each other in the same way. Marriage is not about dates. It’s about true love. If you are going to forgive him, are you going to forget about this incident and put it at the back of your mind forever?
 
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Long courtship shows you have a lot in common.
Rope in a professional counsellor. You both need to pour out your hearts. Last but not least, it’s good to get tested for HIV and Aids. Love triangles are very unsafe. Muri vanhu vangangoroorana. Pray for your relationship as you go through all this. God will do the best for you. I may be wrong, but my sixth sense tells me you have a place for this guy in your heart.
 
Please keep me posted. I wish you all the best.

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