I AM a 21-year-old lady and I’m a third year student studying for my first degree. I’m from a well-known family. I have been dating a 34-year-old married man for almost three years now. I believe he really loves me, we are both in love. From the start he told me the truth that he has a wife and three kids and he wants me to be his second wife.
He has never said anything bad about his wife around me and he always tells me that he did not ask me out because he was having problems at home but because he loves me.
I like that because I don’t want to be with him because he is having problems his wife.
I don’t have problems with him being married, I want to be his second wife. My worry is my family doesn’t want me to be a second wife, they want someone who is educated like me. What do I do, this man is my all ndomuda. I can’t leave him now. Is it really taboo to be married as a second wife?
Thank you so much for writing in. Love is very a personal thing, no other person will ever experience it the way you feel.
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
From your letter I can conclude that you are madly in love. At 21 you are a major but I feel you could do with a bit of advice. I speak to a lot of people and from their experiences it seems sharing a husband is not as easy as you may think.
Serving two masters has never been easy. You may not understand why your parents and family are concerned about your decision now but these are the people who will always love and care for you and may not want to see you regretting in future.
Mind you, it’s not just about you and him, remember he has a wife and children and all these will be part of your life by default. This man is cheating on his wife, that’s why he is dating you and he may continue after you become his second wife. Would you like that?
You must also find out kuti ane muchato upi because 5:11 will not allow a second spouse imhosva inosungisa. In our culture it’s not 100 percent taboo to marry a second wife but he needs his wife’s approval for it to be culturally accepted.
I have no problem with what you want to do with your life but why look for something zvekuita kana nhingi ati ndokuti zviite? A university student, young and full of potential why? Are you attracted to this guy or his resources?
These days we discourage people not to be involved with men/women who have other partners because of diseases like HIV and Aids.
You are an academic, what’s your take on this one? You vow that you don’t want to leave him ko iye akafuma akuti akungoda zvemhuri yake chete? Please be careful, don’t let this guy take advantage of your age and innocence, concentrate on your studies and revisit your decision.
Last but not least it’s good to take heed of your parents’ advice. In life most people want to be numbered one in whatever they do, ndiwe wega wandanzwa unoda kutangira panumber two I am perplexed.
I hope you understand that going out with a married man ndicho chipfambi at its worst. I hope to hear from you again.