I hope I find you well. I am a 19-year-old unemployed girl.
I went for a function with my 20-year-old unemployed boyfriend and we came back around 8:30pm because of transport challenges. I have been dating this guy for the past six months and we had never discussed marriage because hapana chatinacho.
My parents chased me away saying it was late and so I should go back to where I had been. I am staying at my boyfriend’s home, we are both in the ghetto. I don’t want to lie he comes from a very humble family. I am staying there as one of his sisters, he has never touched me, we don’t even share a bedroom.
His parents spoke to us both and he told them the truth that we have dated for only six months, hatitonyatsozivana and he would not want to commit himself. We have never had sex. My eloping has even disturbed our courtship because now he does not talk about love anymore, kana kufamba neni chaiko hapachina.
My parents have since engaged tete but she insists kuti chirooranai. This guy is not employed and he says he’s not ready, he was trying to get to know me when I was pushed to his home. His parents suggested that I go back home because my continued stay will not help or change anything.
Mai Chisamba, I’m so ashamed, it’s like my parents are looking for money. Iniwo ndakunge ndakauya kuzodya, everyone calls me by my first name, hapana kuti muroora or maiguru. The worst I am going through is nobody here talks about any plans, havandituke, havandinyime kudya but that’s all. Mai Chisamba, I didn’t think my parents would do such a thing, vatungamiri kuchurch kwavo. Please help, what’s the best for me?
MAI CHISAMBA RESPONDS
Thank you so much for reading my column and thank you for being so honest. As I always say marriage is a lifetime commitment it should be taken seriously. I am shocked that tete is insisting that you get married.
A tete who is worth her salt will do all the groundwork first. She is the one who should go back to your family and tell them the truth that besides the day you came back at 8:30pm, you guys have never indulged in sex. Kwauri kugara zvino you don’t even share a bedroom with your boyfriend.
People don’t get married because they came late. Tete should rise above all this. I feel so sorry for you girl you have been put between the depth and the devil. Parents should understand that when you use public transport you don’t have much choice on the arrival time or so.
The same may happen with private transport because so many things can cause delays, for instance, traffic jams, bad roads and police checks. You say vatungamiri kusangano, these are the type of leaders who bring churches into disrepute. My advice is try to make tete understand the situation you are in, you are not pregnant, you did not have sex with this guy so technically hapana mhosva inonyatsomutsikirira.
You are both majors you agreed to go for this function and I assume you had told your parents about this. If there is any misunderstanding especially on your side people should sit down and deal with the issue of coming home late amicably kwete kuti roorwa. The best is for you to go back home because what is happening may destroy the relationship that you were working on.
Ko unogarirei kana mukomana wako asati akuziva zvekupinda newe muwanano. I hope the options I have mentioned will help but if push comes to shove go to church and ask the pastor to intervene. It is my hope that they accept you back home. Pray for divine intervention it is the best. I hope to hear from you again.